Israel

[The Beatles]

OK, I'm out of my depth here. I do know that people in Europe tend to drink the substance brewed from barley warm, whereas here they like to drink it cold.

I had also understood that in the UK they called the warm-served drink lager, but I could be wrong. My source for that was the Declaration of Revocation by Not John Cleese:
http://www.stephaniemiller.com/declarat ... cation.htm

[Gen. Volkov]

The Declaration even says it. The cold stuff is lager, the warm stuff is bitter, or ale.


By the way, the declaration and whoever wrote it can go itself.

[Nuclear Raunch]

SUBJECT: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland:

We welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum!

However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world.

To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:

1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman).

However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor.

2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.

3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 - 97.85 = 2.15)

4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front.

5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.

6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident.

7. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of satan they'll teach you how to cook.

8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies.

9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".

Thank you for your time. Yu can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.

P.S. � Regarding WW2: You're Welcome.

Here's a rebuttal to the Revocation piece, found it on Snopes. It was obviously written for an earlier version as this one has the math corrected and a few more points on it.

As to the beer thing, all of those drinks are considered beers (scientifically speaking, US law defines it otherwise) merely different types.

An Ale is brewed from a malted barley and fermented with a special yeast, and usually has hops added in to balance out the flavor.

Lagers are beer that is fermented in a cold environment with a special yeast that is able to withstand the cold temperatures. The reason for the cold is it inhibits certain byproducts from forming. those byproducts are seen to detract from the flavor.

Hefeweizen is an unfiltered wheat beer that is rather distinctive for having a cloudy appearance. Germany and America are the only 2 places that brew it, with there being distinct flavor differences between the 2. Americans tend to use less wheat and more malted barley. The head (foam at the top of a freshly poured beer) is of prime importance in hefeweizens and for that reason it is typically poured into a special glass that helps the pourer get the head just right. While still decent it's less flavorful after the yeast has settled towards the bottom, so it's best not nursed. I usually get the smallest hef glass they serve so there's less settling which translates to more flavor.

[Gen. Volkov]

I figured someone would make a rebuttal that. Thanks for finding it Nuke. You made my day. Not that the intial declaration wasn't great as well. Both fine examples of American and British humor.

[Devari]

Gotta say, that person really isn't a comedian. Sorry guys, I found that really, really weak. John Cleese's original trounces that.

[Gen. Volkov]

Meh, sometimes you get what you look for.

[Nuclear Raunch]

Gotta say, that person really isn't a comedian. Sorry guys, I found that really, really weak. John Cleese's original trounces that.

Original what?

[Devari]

The actual Declaration of Revocation. It was written by Cleese.

[The Beatles]

1. The Declaration of Revocation is by Not John Cleese. For all we know, it might have been an American that wrote it.

2. The first one is better than the second one, but just barely, as the second one brings great points up. However, it's both shorter and threatens to descend into unpleasantness.

The one thing I take objection to in the rebuttal is the cultural aspect. In my eyes, the UK has produced orders of magnitude better television programming -- I'm looking mainly at comedy, news, and popular science -- than the US, or for that matter most countries.

Oh, and the fact that England (and I use the term advisedly) was the first modern democratic state (Greece wasn't modern), following the revolution of 1681 -- about a hundred years before the revolutions that swept Europe. The last Royal Assent revoked was 1700, so it's fair to say that the UK has been a constitutional monarchy -- i.e. a democratic state -- for about 300 years, longer than the US has existed. What the colonists had beef with was that they weren't actually part of Great Britain, but rather were an overseas territory -- sort of like India and Australia -- but as there was no significant native population (only primitive, no nations) most of the inhabitants were British, and consequently fiercely proud (in comparison to e.g. India). That's why you chaps rebelled.

Anyways, people all too easily forget that the UK and the US are in a very much symbiotic relationship. Neither would be where it is without the other, and I also say that advisedly -- look at the history of the two countries in the past two centuries.

[Devari]

Whoops, yes, I was fooled.

And I still maintain that the second one was rather weak, at least from my perspective as a Canadian.

Anyway, a couple points:

2. In my experience, they CAN distinguish Canadian accents from American. Interestingly enough, Canadians (except for Newfies) are considered to have a very neutral accent, in that most people can understand it, regardless of background. At least, that's what I've found.
3. Don't get this one...?
4. English/European films > American films
5. Yeah, don't care much for an anthem about a flag myself. Although I do get this one.
6. Come now, that's just silly. The Olympics mean nothing to international football, since all the good players have gone pro. Besides, the recent World Cup showed how cruddy the "5th-ranked" American team is.
7. Yes, American cuisine certainly is amazing.... Not. Your only good unique stuff is from a bunch of French Canadians who were pushed around by the Brits. Unless greaseburgers are a great culinary achievement...? Anyway, I thought it was the Americans who had issues with the French...?

Just found it a bit weak, I guess.

[The Beatles]

No, it's the Brits that have issues with the "Frogs".

About Canadian cuisine... one of my Hungarian friends said it combines English cooking (already bad) with the advaned petrochemical industry.

[Gen. Volkov]

Well the English take all the good qualties of American fast food, such as it being warm, and being served fast, and eliminate it. The food is served cold, late, and the only thing distinguishing the bun from the meat is a tiny strip of lettuce. Gotta love Terry Pratchett.

I think everyone has issues with the Frogs. *laughs*.

Hey now, who was the only team to tie Italy in the World Cup? That makes us Co-champions. ROFL. Gotta love Stephen Colbert.


But in all seriousness, I gotta go with Beatles on this one. England/Great Britain did have essentially a constitutional monarchy before we declared our independence, but the king was still the official head of state. Ours was the first democratic republic in modern times, and the first ever time a colony declared independence from it's parent country and fought a revolution based on moral principles rather than just revolting because we were repressed, it also introduced the idea that a government who didn't fufill the social contract could be overthrown. Our revolution led to France's revolution in 1789. Because we showed that it could be done successfully. And while there was great animosity between the US and Britain for awhile, that eventually went away in the face of greater threats. That's when the symbiosis developed, and that's why the UK has been America's staunchest ally for the past century or so.

[The Beatles]

You scored a glorious total of 1 (one) goal in the World Cup. Congratulations.

But I don't know about the moral principles. You basically wanted a say in your own affairs. How is that not feeling that you were repressed? Or are we really saying the same thing in different ways?

[Nuclear Raunch]

Ahem, we scored more than 1 goal in the WC. How it came about is irrelevant, the fact is America has been credited with 2 goals. One against Italy and one against Ghana. We actually played pretty well against Italy in my not-quite-good-enough-to-be-considered-an-amateur opinion. That was also while playing shorthanded for most of the match.

EDIT: America has had a few decent contributions to the culinary arts. Obviously hamburgers would be the one most think of, however American pizza (so far from Italian pizza i don't consider them the same) is pretty damn good, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, various cobblers, breakfast cereal, hot dogs (haha) umm probably a few others. Generally speaking all our contributions arn't exactly healthy and we haven't contributed a whole helluva lot but we have had a couple. I'd rank foods as Italian, Mexican, and then American. Having American's ranked 3 (and a very, very distant 3) is probably due to my love of cheeseburgers, cereal, and cobblers coupled with my lack of exposure to most other cultures foods.

[Gen. Volkov]

We are basically saying the same thing with slight variations Beatles. No worries.